The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
