SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
