Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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