Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
