Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
