I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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