You made me cry and you don't even care
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
