Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
