I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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