She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I wish I only lived at night.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
