Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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