I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
