then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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