i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
