96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hands were made for my vagina.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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