OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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