Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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