fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
