This show inspires me to have sex in space
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
