OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
