Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
whose parrot is this?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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