we made out on top of his cat.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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