when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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