they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
