God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
