Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize