dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
