i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
