Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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