maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
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