please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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