Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
