I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
