Duck Duck Cougar?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
