Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
