you would pick up someone in the library
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
