Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
