Pants 0. Shit 1.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
