RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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