Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
