im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
