Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
