I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
