Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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