Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
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Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
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You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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