somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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