Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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