She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
