These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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