Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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