I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
