saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
