I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
