i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
