I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
