so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
