I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
