Plan B is the new Plan A
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...