This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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