Nicole vs. Life
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
he just fucked me for my cheese..