East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not