I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
