we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I think my moral compass just broke
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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