But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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