I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
