I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
