eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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