I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
