I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
