Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
