YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
