I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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