Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
