Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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